As I quickly glanced at the chart before calling the next client to my office, I noticed that the appointment was for a postpartum mother. What I didn’t notice was any information about her baby. There was no certification appointment scheduled to begin WIC Nutrition benefits for the baby and no date listed for an upcoming weight check. I assumed that she had miscarried the baby and prepared myself mentally for a heartbreaking visit.
I thought that I knew Nancy fairly well from previous visits. She had two children, a son and a daughter, and always seemed to be a loving and conscientious mother. But, I was about to come to know her in a deeper way that would leave me amazed and confounded.
I cautiously began asking her about the baby, and when she told me that she had delivered a healthy baby boy, I was relieved that she didn’t miscarry the baby, but still, I couldn’t understand why her son wasn’t with her for the appointment as is customary for new moms and babies, and why there wasn’t any listing of a baby in the computer or chart. When she said that she did in fact deliver a healthy son, but that she didn’t have the baby I immediately thought the worst, wondering if something had gone terribly wrong in her life that social services might have had to intervene and keep her baby. Nancy could sense the worry in my voice and she quickly reassured me and told me that she had given her baby up for adoption. Her story lifted my spirits and renewed my faith in the beauty of humanity and our tremendous capacity to reach out and love others who are in need. Still, I knew that I could never have done what she had done, and part of me wonders if it was truly the right thing to do.
Nancy’s best friend, Angie, who had always wanted children, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Although she had been cancer-free for one year, her doctor callously told her that it would be a cold day in hell before she would ever be able to have children of her own. Nancy’s heart ached for the plight of her friend.
Nancy’s son was born on January 15th, which just happened to be the coldest day of the year. She remembered the cruel words of Angie’s doctor, and decided then and there that she would give her son to the care of her friend. She said “I already have a son and a daughter and my husband and I live in a trailer home which is very small. I’m young and can have more children any time, but having a child is something that Angie will never be able to do naturally. My husband agreed with me that giving our son to Angie was the right thing to do. Sam is with his rightful mother now. I will go to see him every month. I am completely happy and at peace with this decision. In fact, I told Angie to let me know when she’s ready to try for a daughter!”
My jaw dropped in amazement and I told Nancy that I was so impressed with what she had done. She brushed it off as if it were nothing. “ That’s what friends are for!” she said.
I had thought that Nancy was a loving and conscientious mother, but now I know that she is a loving and conscientious mother and a wonderful friend besides! Angie is very lucky to have a loving friend who truly understands what it means to lay down your life for a friend.
What do you think? Would you have been able to do the same thing in her position? Did she do the right thing? I'd love to hear your feedback!
