My hope has been reborn through a wonderful doctor. Her healing hands and compassionate heart, her gentle listening and probing questions have led me from a dark and fearful place to the brink of light that will be my salvation.
Yesterday, I was told that my Vitamin D levels are extremely low, despite the fact that I have been taking 2000 units daily for the past 4 months. My level is a 23 when the normal range is over 35. So I left her office with a prescription for a megadose of Vitamin D, 50,000 units to be taken 3 times a month in addition to the 2000 units daily. Wow! She also took pity on my anxiety and racing thoughts, my sleeplessness and my complete despair and the fact that the antidepressants that I had been taking were causing side effects that left me constantly tremulous. Some changes in medication should hopefully do the trick.
But you know me, I can't accept that physical healing comes from humans alone because I believe that it is truly God who is the one who heals through humans. He is the one who has blessed me with a brilliant and kind doctor, a compassionate spiritual director who will listen to my struggles to find God in all of this, and a beautiful family who constantly comforts me with their love and stands by me through thick and thin. It is God who worked through my pastor, Fr. Dave this morning, as he took the time after Mass to anoint me with the Oil of the Sick, in addition to blessing my throat yesterday.
Through all of these wonderful people and so many more who listen to my woes, and read about them here on this blog, I have hope that I will be healed, that I will be normal again, and that I will have so much more of myself to give to others instead of forever taking for myself.
So with the oil from Anointing still glistening on my forehead, I praise God for using this depression to teach me some valuable life lessons, for bringing people to me to help me cope and for loving me deeply through it all, even and especially, when I didn't believe He could love me.
