Ever have one of those friends who you wish would come over and hang out more often, but he's too busy with his on-again/off-again girlfriend? The friend that has given his independence and namesake all in the promise of nookie? Yeah, a lot of us have that problem. First, it starts with a text that reads, "Stop break-up bonin' and get over here" as a simple form of coercion. Then, as you and your buddies get irritated with the almost typical lack of response from this renegade of the flock, more creative quips come to mind.
For those of you in a similar situation, I offer you these catchy tidbits. I did not write them all. I came up with a few. It was a collaboration between the Four Horsemen (and horsewoman) of the Textpocalypse.
* Don't be a fool. Take back your tool.
* Keep it real-ly. Stop gettin' feel-y.
* Don't be a weenis. Pull out your penis.
* You've been bonin' too long. Your schlong has gone wrong.
* Don't fall for that trick. Hide your prick.
* Get over the O-Face. Get over to our place. >O
* Get over your fear, and come have a beer!
* On the bitch you should bail and come have an ale.
* Go out with a bang, then pull out your wang.
* Put on a lid. Don't give us a kid.
* Come exercise your wits, not your dangly bits.
* If she dumps your ass, you've got a free pass.
* Stop hittin' that shit. Come hang out for a bit.
* Stop pipin' the floozy and come have a boozy.
* Don't play in the trash. You'll get a rash.
* Come hang with your friends. Our fun never ends.
* We just wanna see ya... without Gonorrhea.
* We think you're more hip without the green drip.
* You know we're just joking, but seriously.... stop poking!
* Quit it with that whore. That's all we're askin' for.
* Stop taking that grimy cruise and give up the faulty ruse.
* There's still time for hangin', so just stop bangin'!
* You didn't go see a movie, so quit feelin' up her booby.
* If you want to be a man, get your willy out of her can.
* What a blooper! You got stuck in her pooper!
* Stop takin' a golden shower and come over for an hour.
* Don't go for her heiny; you're getting all slimy.
* There's no time to waste, so just come in her face.
* Stop feeding her splooge; you're becoming her stooge!
* Stop re-enacting porn. Just toot your own horn.
* If she's addicted to winky, just buy her a slinky.
* Don't be a dink! Get out of the pink!
* Stop bangin' that hoe bag..... and no..... really...... just come over.
