Yeah. I did that recently, discovering that I broke one of my old tenets I wrote down for myself. You know the whole "Doktor nOnsensical" thing? As that one "Spooky" guy illustrated in the first Return of the Living Dead, "What do you think this is? An outfit? A fucking costume? This is a WAY OF LIFE!"
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| He's gotta admit, the chains are pretty intimidating... |
He was right. The original intention was to create a moniker that stuck and an outlook that pretty much stole and blended what I considered the best of the best from many of the great thinkers and some of the great shysters in civilization's history (past and present), sewing a fabric through the proverbial space and time of standard, institutionalized thought.
That sounded pretty cool, didn't it? You see what I did there? I wrote some drivel that illuminated nothing of this "supreme thought process" but made it sound as incessantly cool as the premise for any Michael Bay flick (then, we end up seeing said Bay flick to much horror and disappointment).
In all honesty, my outlook I always wanted for myself wasn't complex or new. It wasn't something secret or hidden. It was just the concept of viewing the whole of reality as a collective of sub-realities. Everything exists and nothing exists all on the same dime. Each person I would meet while I carried out my "mission" arranged for me by some imaginary Goddess of Fate would be treated similar to any other person I would meet, be they a terrorist at O'Hare airport, an old Jewish woman at the local deli, or the creepy, anime-loving white kid staring too long at Asian girls giggling before a college campus fountain while he drew God-knows-what sort of tentacle monsters in his open notebook. It's all fair game. Each one of those individuals has a strange, surreal world that he or she lives in, one where different "truths" are proven to be true and different "falsifications" are proven false, even though they may be reverse in another's reality - like Bizarro world.
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| In Bizarro World, Jesus was crucified on a giant, wooden sword. |
I mean, at the end of the day, there's no getting around someone who wants to believe the world is flat or that Dwight D. Eisenhower had racy orgies with hybrid, humanoid alien beings in the White House on Sunday evenings back in the 50s. And that whole notion of progress? Well, progress is subjective too. Some groups view progress as roasting an entire collective of people because of their sexuality, and other groups view progress as Jersey Shore on television. Cheap jab, I know. The Three Stooges teaser trailer did it, so all bets are off.
Back on topic though---
What happened was a lowering of the guard. Graduation came and went. Life propelled forward a little bit, and then it jolted to a halt. I tried to spin the propellers a few times to jump start this baby back on track, but my efforts were seemingly futile. As of this moment, they're moving again along a fairly happy trail, but at the time, that dead stop was where I lost it. Twiddling of the thumbs set in, and then it turned to hounding the news sites (alternative and mainstream). Certain realities advertised began to make sense, and before I really was even paying attention to what was going on, I found myself polarized on the proverbial battlefront that people often spout about. There's always a "war" against something somewhere. There's a War against Christianity. There's a War on Terror. A War on Drugs. A War against Climate Change!
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| There are even wars for your mind... |
Sure, a lot of people can argue the existence of these wars. We've even had famous people in history declare them, and those declarations are on record. Do they actually exist? Well, in the sense that they all involve people exchanging dollar bills with each other, then yeah, maybe. Why are you asking me? I hear both sides of the argument (or more sides if there are more) somedays, and I can see how each side justifies their points. That's all fine and dandy, but can I control it? Can I win this War on Terror the same day I win this War on Drugs by smiting dope-smoking Germans that all talk like Alan Rickman in one fell swoop?
I'm not Bruce Willis.
I'm a self-proclaimed doctor of nOnsense, an unlicensed professional who also sent ten dollars away in the mail to receive a certificate saying he's an ordained priest in Dudeism. Is that really the kind of guy who can bring balance to the world and save Christianity from the Sword of Damocles?
Well... Maybe...
But what do I get out of it? I can't control the situation. I wouldn't want to either. I don't want a job like Rupert Murdoch's. Who really wants to control a mass of people on a daily basis, telling them what to think and how to think - particularly in a world where almost everybody is correct all the time, even if their facts contradict one another? Just the thought of everyone speaking so surely of themselves makes me pretty uncertain about what's right for other people outside of myself.
However, I do know what can make me happy, and since this is the only life I can prove I'm going to live, I am going to make myself happy. Sometimes, it may involve helping people, as sharing, building, giving, and bonding often bring a smile to my face. Other times, it may involve insane evenings out as my Hyde side kicks out Dr. Jekyll for a night of insanity. Whichever way I put it, the idea is to look at my life like a film where I can choose the lead and choose the scenario (outlook). Why would I limit myself to another's reality, rendering myself a bit part in my own movie? I mean, what if that other is an asshole? Worse still, what if that person is just plain boring?
So what was I playing out before that I seemingly lost in the last couple of years? The epic hero program. I was running my Beowulf program and viewing even the most mundane of school chores (let's say sock folding) with the intensity of a battle against Grendel (minus the horrible Crispin Glover screeching). When it was necessary to flip the background music or the filter in the mental jukebox to something else, I did without hesitation, assuming the many programmed roles I enjoyed.
Life was nourishing then. Appreciation for even the simplest of tasks was frequent in my life. The notion of breathing was beautiful, particularly when a frost giant could rush in a terrible blizzard during the winter, seal me off in snow, and befoul me with hypothermia.
What do I have now? The standard for your average, run-of-the-mill underemployed college graduate. It could be more though, if I reject the common perception and roll with whatever I want to roll with. I mean, there is no ONE REALITY. That's a misnomer. Simple proof of that is talking to either a registered, die hard democrat or republican and then ask them to list out their facts on the same subject. Analyze the contradicting data received, then declare a winner. Both sides are going to disprove each other at some point, and then the information becomes questionable from therein. They've got to be knowledgeable though. One can't just pick any old Fox News "analyst" sitting at the bar on a Friday night drinking a cherry bomb.
By the way, I'm not suggesting everyone go out and do what I'm doing either. I probably haven't been clear for that matter, but the previous statement remains. Do what you want, so long as you're not harming anyone, but if you want to harm people, I hear there are community standards that sometimes deal in that department. The world is as much yours as it is mine, and what you wish to get out of it or through which lens you want to view it is entirely up to you. I'm not going to get mad. Why should I? Supposedly, the variables of me dying every day are much higher than me living, and I choose to believe that, so every day becomes a gift.
Alright, I'm done typing out a post (finally). It's probably not a very good one either. Sorry, audience - if you're there. Want to play some Super Mario Brothers on SNES later?
