Tuesday and back to work after a long holiday weekend, so I start with a work story from last week. As always, the names are fictional.
“Statistics are people with the tears washed off.”
Ruth Sidel
Keeping Women and Children Last
So often the media and the Internet are filled with stories that tell about people who abuse the welfare system and other government programs. We often have the tendency to lump people together into one group and say things such as “The poor know all the ins and outs of the system.” And “They just keep having babies so the government will dole out checks and they don’t have to work.” While these rash, judgmental statements might be true for some, they certainly cannot be applied to everybody. I have found that my heart has been broken wide open over and over again when I take the time to listen to the stories of the clients who cross my path. When I truly listen to their real life struggles, it is impossible for me to hold a better-than-thou attitude. Instead, I find that my clients, who suffer so much, are often much better and stronger than I am.
It was my turn to visit the hospital newborn floor to sign up the new babies for WIC benefits, and I was stopped cold when I saw that the patient list held the name of a mother who delivered twin boys and the word “demise” was listed after one of the boys' names. My fellow nutritionists and I often complain that we are sorely lacking training in bereavement counseling. We are trained to teach women how to feed their babies, children and themselves in the most healthy and nutritious way. So often, though, nutrition is not their first concern, and this young mother was a true example of that fact.
Cynthia’s nurse assured me that she was doing ok when I asked if it would be alright for me to see her. I whispered a quick prayer asking God to help me to be compassionate and comforting to this grieving mother. My heart ached when I saw the picture of the leaf with a drop of dew on it that was posted on her hospital door, the picture that symbolized the death of a baby. Truly, the nurse was right, because Cynthia appeared to be very strong and brave for someone whose son had just died the previous day. She thanked me for coming to see her because the WIC formula checks that I was able to give her would keep her at home with her new baby for the next month instead of running off to an appointment that would be difficult to keep.
When I asked the required question about her income, she said that she was currently without any funds whatsoever. She had been receiving Supplemental Security Income for her one-year-old daughter who was handicapped, but had recently been cut off for being non-compliant with the rules. I boldly asked her how she had been non-compliant. Cynthia answered that she was set up for home visits from the social worker because she wasn’t able to take her daughter out of the house. The social worker didn’t show up at the scheduled time, so Cynthia was being sanctioned from benefits. I shuddered at how unfair life can be and how a system that is meant to help people in need can often times cause more damage than help.
As I was listening to her story, I noticed that her little surviving newborn, Johnny, was trying to open his eyes. He had one eye open, while the other was still tightly closed. When I commented on this to Cynthia, her response was “He’s trying to look around to see who it is that he’s missing.” Does that send a chill down your spine? Here’s a woman with troubles galore, in the midst of agonizing grief, and still she is able to talk in a sane and gentle way to a complete stranger. I only know that if I were in her shoes, I would be sobbing so uncontrollably that any conversation would be impossible!
As I left her room, I was grateful that God did give me the gift of compassion so that I could offer a listening ear, a sympathetic heart and a hug to this brave and sorrowful mother. I will be praying for Cynthia and for all of the mothers in this world who struggle financially and must find the strength and courage to fight the “system” and most of all, I will be praying for Cynthia and for all of the mothers in the world who must grieve for their children and yet continue to keep a brave face for others.
“A voice is heard in Ramah, lamentation and weeping. Rachel is weeping for her children: she refuses to be comforted because they are no more.” Jeremiah 31:15
May 26, 2009
