"Show me thy devotion to thy loving and generous God," the fair maiden said unto me.
It was then that I revealed my Godhead betwixt my loins.
"Sacrilege!" she shouted.
I deduced from her horror and the manner in which she covered her eyes that this fair, virtuous maiden was not the God-loving mistress she claimed to be. Only God-fearing people recoil with such atrocity at the sight of the Lord's seed.
Lo, another fair maiden passed by as the horrified one swiftly retreated, screaming aloud her accursed vision.
"I see you are but petrified by her response. Even the cool chill of this eve unshaketh your resolve," said the newcomer.
"I stand sturdy at every resolve," I replied rapidly. "The tremendous heights of mighty Redwoods are my family heritage, and I will let no icy demeanor lower my achievements."
"You claim your Godhead is resolute," the maiden said, "but I've heard such ramblings from fools much longer in shadow than yourself."
"Trying to put the fright in me?" I asked.
"I see no error in forcing you to recoil your public boasting from the wanderer's eyes. We are all God-fearing people in this quaint town with no desire to seek out the black beast within the mysterious shrubbery," she said.
"I will let you know that I am tamed," I said. "I have steadied my accursed rampages into more manageable hours."
The maiden flashed a knowing smirk, touching her upper lip with the tip of her tongue. She dragged it across slowly, teasing me with her supple moistness. Then she glided in closely, placing her hand upon my chest, digging in deep with her nails. From behind, she brandished with her free hand a knive and licked the blade. Blood dripped down her blouse from a stream that developed along the knife's edge.
I could feel my face turning red. My heart began to race faster, a muddied confusion of seduction and fear. Would she kill me? Or was she just... "funny"? My conviction became unbalanced, and my pride, thrown off by such a public display quietly deflated.
"I too can arouse discord," She said grinning. "I'm no mere woman. I am THE woman. The Goddess. You can call me Eris, and I lower the boastful apes into shriveled monkeys."
She left me standing alone, unbuttoned in time. Frozen up to my neck.
-Doctor Nonsensical
