God found out that I am in love with words. He caught a glimpse of it while watching me play Scrabble, over and over again, from the age of seven until the present moment. He watched me playing with my children, and noticed how I would take over for them under the guise of helping. He must have smirked when he saw my children sitting around the table watching me play all by myself! No matter which child won the game, I always won!
He was most likely overcome by my constant use of verbal words from the moment I could speak. He should have whispered a word of warning to my siblings that all those quarters they offered me to “please just don’t talk for ten minutes” were better off used to buy popsicles. It’s too hard to talk while slurping on sweets! I guess they learned the hard way that offers of riches could not stop my need to speak.
I’m sure that God held his breath in anticipation while watching every spelling bee that I participated in during grade school. Do you think he was as disappointed as I was when I missed out on “ptomaine” during the State Spelling Bee?
He must have smiled every time I went into the post office to buy more stamps for all those cards and letters I loved to write to my friends and family.
God must have loved it when I read books about Him and His holy friends, the saints. It must have made him so happy to see that I longed to draw closer to him through the words of wise people who knew just the right things to write about Him in their books. I bet He was especially thrilled when I opened His special book of Words, the Bible, and even more so when I spoke those Words as a Lector at Mass.
Then one day he saw me crying, and sobbing, and grieving. Actually it was more than one day. It was weeks, turning to months, verging on years. He cried, and sobbed and grieved too. In my grief I couldn’t speak so I finally had a chance to listen to God speak. God whispered to my heart. He whispered through the voice of my sister. “Write. Write words. Write in journals. Write stories. Write poems. Write lists. Write more letters. Just keep writing. You’ll feel better; trust me.”
So I wrote, and wrote, and wrote. I wrote all of the pain right out of my heart and soul. I filled up journals, I filled up notebooks, and I filled up computer files. And I felt better. Somewhat. I couldn’t feel completely better because my words were buried in binders and computers and journals and no one ever saw them. They were private words between God and me. But I am greedy and I wanted more. I wanted to share my words. I wanted real live people to read my words.
So I entered my stories and poems in contests, but I never won. I sent my stories and poems to magazines and newspapers, but they were all rejected. I asked God “Why do you want me to write if nobody will ever read it? How can my words give you glory if they are buried in a binder?”
I stopped talking again and spent lots of time in silent prayer and adoration so that I might hear God’s voice again, and I did. His beautiful words came from a friend. I heard his voice come from her mouth with the following question: “Why don’t you write a blog?” But I was stubborn and afraid. The internet felt scary to me. So I dug my feet in the ground and continued to complain about all of my hidden words.
Now God had to speak very loudly to catch my attention. This time he spoke through a very wise priest who told me that the words “Do not be afraid” are written 366 times in the bible, one for every day of the year including leap year. DO NOT BE AFRAID. My friend, the priest, spoke these words to me again and again. “Do not be afraid, Anne.” I know that God was speaking through my friend, so I felt that I had better listen.
Those were the words that opened my mind and heart. I took a deep breath and began to release my words in this blog and I found out that I absolutely love blogging! I have never felt so happy and so fulfilled in my lifetime thus far. I write the words that are bubbling over inside of me, and I receive beautiful love letter words via comments in return. I read the words that are bubbling inside of others, and send them beautiful love letter words via comments in exchange. What could possibly be better?
God must be very happy. He must be smiling because I am happy, because I have overcome my fear, and because I use the gift he gave me to bring myself and others joy and this joy gives glory to God! I know that God loves me because he put the love for words within me and then nourished it and encouraged it each day, little by little. He knew there would come a day when I would need those words to lift myself up and hopefully, to lift others up as well. So, I thank God from the bottom of my heart because he only had to say the “Word” and it changed my life!
Word of God, thank You for giving me words to express myself and for nurturing the love of words within my heart and soul. Thank You for Your sacred, holy, wonderful words and for actually being the Most Sacred, Holy and Wonderful Word, Jesus. Amen.
